


A Cure I Know

by color_my_day_softly



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: F/M, Implications of Depression, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-indulgent fluff because sometimes that's what we need in this life, comfort cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 00:57:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/color_my_day_softly/pseuds/color_my_day_softly
Summary: Some days are harder than others.On those days, all I wish is to rest in his arms and slowly heal. But tonight is not the night I can take him from his work.Except that's what I think and Sungjin has different plans.





	A Cure I Know

Doors fall shut behind me and I feel weight in my shoulders begin to liquify, though it still clings to me, but it is not until Sungjin calls "Welcome home" from the living room that I truly feel like I am home.

The urge to just rush into the room and crumple into his arms, soak up his warmth and feel the long week soothed and smoothed out from between my brows, my shoulder blades by his gentle hands, is so strong I have to take a moment to compose myself.

My willpower has never been exceptional, but Sungjin both bolsters and challenges it - denying myself the comfort of his presence is almost impossible for me. But tonight I will not be selfish, I repeat again the same words that I have for the entire, all too long ride home and put on a smile as I go to him.

(It's not lying. It's just so he wouldn't drop his work and try to mend the slowly spreading void in me with his light. It's not lying. I am being considerate.)

He looks over his shoulder as I enter and next moment, I am hurrying to wrap arms around his neck over the back of the couch, pressing a kiss to his cheek and I can feel his smile widen beneath my lips. I rest my head next to Sungjin's and the way his hands come to hold mine diminishes the awareness of couch's edge digging into my abdomen.

"How is the work going?" I ask, taking in the many programs and tabs open on the laptop. "It is going," he tells me and I know that means he's still stuck in the same spot from this morning, but he's almost got it handled. Like he always does, with unassuming persistence and thoughtfulness.

Tomorrow, he will tell me how the song is almost finished and play me a preview, singing snippets of the lyrics giving him such a hard time now in a low voice, while I am curled up on this same couch and sipping tea that will have little to do with the warmth filling me. It will be beautiful and right and...

It will be tomorrow. Now, I must let him work.

"It’s going to be wonderful," I say, both about the morning that is like a ghost of honey for my aching soul, and about the song still shaping in his hands. The pride and joy over him are almost only things I can feel tonight and they swell further, pushing emptiness back a notch.

He hums in response, not quite agreeing, and there is that pang again, the one twisting me up each time he doubts himself and I feel horrible for not being able to tackle it right now. Tomorrow, I promise to myself. Tomorrow. I will be able to be a better person tomorrow. And I will use that chance.

"Did you eat?" Sungjin asks, because of course he does, and I stiffen a little. I do not want to lie, not even this much, and I already know what a 'no' will lead to, like almost every Friday. (Us cuddling on this couch and a movie as a colorful backdrop for soft conversations or comforting silence as we eat some take-out food. And the vision is _so_ tempting, but the busy screen of laptop reminds me of my resolve.)

"I grabbed a bite before coming home," I tell him and it's not completely untrue - I had planned to, but the line was long and my hunger absent. The only thing I had wanted was to be here - home, with him.

Sungjin pulls away a little to look at my face and I know he's about to see through me so I kiss him sweetly. The angle is a little awkward, but it's perfect anyway and my smile against his lips is genuine as I pull away, just a little. The moment of silence is tipping over with gentleness of his lips that tingles in mine still.

"I think I will go to bed now." Disappointment flashes over his face, but he doesn't voice it. Which is a painful relief, truly. "Okay, baby," Sungjin lightly kisses my nose and I will myself to slowly untangle my arms and walk out.

I take a short shower because standing in the hot water for too long lets my mind wander distances I should not let it go on nights like these (or ever), call one last goodnight to Sungjin and curl up in bed. The darkness settles over me, softly at first and then with gradually increasing weight.

It's stupid, I think, stupid and selfish and greedy to feel this alone when your boyfriend is just in the other room. When he would drop everything to comfort you if you only gave as much as a hint. But that's the thing, I don't want to. I don't want to be slowly suffocating, I don't want to pull him away from work that makes him happy. I don't want to be. A burden. So childish. Hollow. Helpless. Greedy.

To be.

The numbness saves me from crying, for now. I am thankful, well, what part of me can be, because I do not want him to see my puffy-eyed tomorrow and guess at the cause. Briefly, I consider reaching for my phone and scrolling blindly through something, anything, but I know it would not help, so I settle for letting these thoughts running heavy footed, slow circles around my exhausted mind. Eventually, their steps will grow so monotonous and slow that they turn into a lullaby. I just have to wait it out, at the basement of a house crumbling down, tonight more than it has in a while for no reason at all.

Just wait it out.

The doors open quietly and Sungjin tiptoes around the room, there are shuffling noises. I wonder what he's searching for, but don't ask. And then the bed dips under his weight and he is curling up around me. His arm pulls me by waist closer to him, encloses me in his warmth. Light kiss lands on top of my head and this is when the tears come as if the sea has been thawed by him and now sways in first spring storm.

I know he can feel my soft sobs, just as I feel his steady breath with my back. He doesn't shush me, just finds my hand in the dark and holds it, thumb stroking a soothing pattern on my skin. They sink into my cracked walls and heal them from within, like some kind of magic that only Sungjin seems to possess.

"It's been a long week," he says, giving me an explanation, excuse and understanding all in one as he cradles me through last of my sobs. He must have known from the moment I came in, as he always does. Maybe he saw it coming before I did. He can always sense the approaching earthquakes, it seems. Except he does not run away, he stays and ensures the city doesn't collapse.

"I am sorry." My words are muffled as I burrow myself further into him and under the blankets. Before he can say there is nothing to apologize for, I try to explain: "The album, I -"

Sungjin interrupts very rarely, almost never, but for once he does: "I finished the work for tonight, everything is exactly where I want it to be right now. Especially me."

He always knows the things to say, despite insisting on the opposite. "I missed you and there is nowhere else I'd rather be," he says into my hair. My heart beats slowly, but heavily in my chest, as if happiness has turned into gold in its depths. I murmur a soft "same" and wiggle out of his hold to get some tissues because my runny nose is now my only physical discomfort. (Shame is another matter, better left unattended for now.)

"But you did not eat, did you?" he asks, as I return in my previous spot and sigh, content to ignore everything that exists beyond this embrace.

I sputter a laugh, his concern for my meals as constant as himself. It’s short lived, however, in remembrance of having omitted the truth from him. Even if Sungjin is not judging me for it, I am. "I did not," I admit then and he shifts slightly, so before he can sit up and pull me with him, I hurry to add: "but I really don't want to get up."

He contemplates it for a moment and then relents, body relaxing again. "Me too. But tomorrow I will take you out someplace nice. No arguing."

"Anywhere with you is nice," I remind him as I smile into the darkness that is now a welcome presence. It snuffs out distractions from the feeling of Sungjin's arm held to my chest, his one leg resting lightly over mine, dims the noises of outside so I can focus completely on his breath and the way my name sounds on his lips as he wishes me good night. And as I drift off to sleep, I realize the warmth of the tomorrow ahead has already dripped into tonight and the transition will be gentle.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Making my awkward little debut on this side of Fanfiction! This was written as self-indulgent comfort fantasy, but I decided to publish it. Maybe more things I have written and, hopefully, will write in the future shall make their way to here.  
> Tumblr: dorks6  
> Twitter: color_my_day


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